It should not be surprising that coming off of a wonderfully long and fun vacation tht one might feel that the skies look just a fraction darker than usual, or that their pants are slighter tighter than you imgaine they should…mostly that things just look shitty. Today is obviously that day for me, and I have made an ugly new years resolution which states that I will learn to control or, at least, manage my moods and meditate again to bring me peace. But the last thing I feel at this moment is any peace.
I feel 31. I feel like I’m (thankfully and finally) starting a career…bottom up. I feel like I’m trying to figure out love and family. I feel like I have no idea what is actually going on, what I’m actually supposed to be feeling or doing, or where the exit is. And this whole process irritates me like nothing else. Aren’t people by this age more than likely pointed in the direction they know they want to go or are there already? Shouldn’t by our 30s we have learned enough to avoid mistakes and pitfalls, rough patches and bad days so that EVERYDAY we feel thinner, the sky looks bright enough to reflect off of our toned, tanned bodies, and we have a smile on our face that is for real? hmmm…wishful thinking, I reckon.
I will say that I still like my job, I’m actually happy to be back- I always desire the presence of my schedule when I no longer have one. I need to hit the gym as the MASS quantities of food and booze have rounded my sharp edges 😉 I must allow myself morning or PM to meditate as I crave the calmness of mind and spirit almost more than anything else. I must keep the house tidy. I must eat less meat and more veg. I must find joy. Everyday.