It is known to most that I have a slight issue with a few particular….quirks. I am now forced to acknowledge whether or not my little tics are worth continuing or should be halted dramatically as I unveil my new “me”. The first of these special qualities is my CONSTANT need to be in school. No matter what I’m doing, I always manage to find the time to take one (or two, or three, or…) classes just to keep my interest levels up, my competitive spirit engaged, my scholastic aptitude sharp, and my knowledge levels high. If fact, I have often stressed out more about my classes than my job, boyfriend, family, etc. As it was pointed out to me last night, what if this semester I didn’t take my sociology class in “Relations, Marriage, and the Individual” and instead focused on my career. Learning everything I could at my JOB so that I could advance at a more rapid pace and maybe be doing and making MORE by this time next year.
And what if instead of participating in anthropology “Folklore, Magic, and Healing”, I tried giving myself free time to see friends (remember my three new years resolutions: calm the mind, strengthen the body, develop a social life), meditate or go for a run? Would I feel more centered with less to do? Would the cravings to achieve, win, and succeed subside for a more basic lifestyle filled with reading, television, cooking, laundry, etc? Would doing less actually make me do more?
Here is where the problem exists. I do not think I do more with less. If you put me on a beach in the middle of no where with a journal, iPod, and book- sure I can do fuck all for weeks and manage to make it look easy. But you put me in “real” life and I have to feel like I’m doing all that I can for everything that I can otherwise why enjoy complaining about not having free time? And I do love to complain. But that’s not all of it. I love to be busy, and to have things that “need” me, whether it be a chapter in my text book, an essay that needs development and direction, a test that must not be passed but perfected. All in all…I need to be swamped.
However, maybe this semester I don’t do the Monday nights on marriage, or the Wednesday nights on magic. What if I work a bit more at my job, play a bit harder at the gym, make one hell of a meal, watch on crap ass TV show, and read one sublime chapter in my book- could this lead to a better life? Well, let’s see.