You Can Call Me, “Brain”.

I’m planning my takeover. I am making formulations and calculations in my head all day long. My journal is filled with Ven diagrams and football plays, all in the hopes of achieving one goal- Workplace Domination.

 
I’ve sat and pondered the newness of my position in the world as an adult, and wondered how I can be as successful as a business woman as I have been as a student and traveler. And the challenge of this shift is as exciting as the shift itself. I LOVE ME a challenge, although this one proves to be a bit more difficult because everything is so darn serious. I can’t dazzle my work mates in the same form as I did my traveling mates by rolling a cigarette with one hand, or demonstrating how dark I can get while laying out in the sun blistering sun for days on end, reading Dostoevsky, listening to the London Philharmonic, and winning at cards. Nor can I impress my co-workers with active participation and tremendous insight during their lectures, and in my thesis papers on their self-important syllabi, mostly because they don’t have them, but worryingly I have also noticed that the brown noser isn’t popular…at all. As it works here, mediocrity is what is special. Hmmmm….
So, I have to change it up. I must make this work, but rather than doing it on my own terms (humor, sensitivity, and awesomeness), I must do it on theirs. I’ve already begun phase 1 of my POA by sweetly asking every staff member if I can do anything at all to help them on their projects, and when they have accepted, I have wowed and amazed them INDIVIDUALLY (this is the key, take one down at a time, and in the end, there will be a consensus around the office that not only am I incredibly helpful, but totally on point with insight and conscientiousness, and no one person will be sure how this mutter first began), having dismissed their praise by saying, “No no, YOU did everything, I was just helping out where I could”, or “It’s not possible that I’ve worked more than you on this project as I didn’t really know what I was doing and couldn’t have moved faster than the master (*wink)”.
I do recognize that I’m still learning, and for this, as much information I can gather is going to assist me in my rise to greatness, so small projects are my bread and butter. But I find the more work I actually do, the more and more I want my own projects. I am actually enjoying what I’m learning and want to consume more work of the same type to satisfy my desire to KNOW, to DO, to DEVELOP. I’m a machine, one that does not stop even when red lights flash and my internal warning bell is ringing.
What I’m also seeing is that if I don’t get some of my own work soon, the people who are working their arses off will begin to resent me, which MUST BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. However, it’s not me who should be made to feel their wrath. If I were the boss of me, I’d cash in my cow and make that work horse WORK. My god, I would be so happy to have such a demon in my care that I’d get pleasure out of seeing how much they could take on and how much I could train them before they ate me alive. So far, I haven’t apparently been able to demonstrate my voracity for learning to those that should see, or they aren’t interested in my go-getting. Both could be true. Both are depressing.
To make amends for either option, next Friday I take on stage 2 of my domination. If I can’t get enough to do while harassing my fellow employees, I’m going to the next level and making the request to the higher ups. I would “love to be a part of more projects” as I “really love what I’m learning here” and “desperately want to serve as many other positions as possible”. “I feel like I can do so many things already and would love the chance to show my progress to you and my fellow team players”. And if that doesn’t inspire some light dawning…well, I’ll have to come up with a different route. A much more strategic, interwoven plan. I’m not scared.
But in NO WAY am I out of this. No, No, No. I like it here; check. I like what we’re doing, it matters to me; check. I’m ready to do more; check. So then, who, honestly, can stop me? I REALLY don’t want to find out the answer to that question.

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