Promises, Promises. Don’t make ‘em to break ‘em, you feel me, people??
Just found out some bad news this week, and even though it’s not life altering, it certainly took my breath away. My problem with the way I’ve set up my life is that I’ve done it the LOOOONG away around. Where as everyone I know started their careers in their twenties, you know, graduated from college and began working, I chose to bounce hardcore and leave that business to the worker bees. Me, I had places to be! Now, coming home and starting from the terra firma up, I have to not get frustrated that things are coming to me at the pace that they probably should and not how quickly I want them.
This definitely includes my living situation. I will say firstly that I am VERY lucky to live where I do, with all my bills and living expenses covered, because I would NOT be able to afford life if this were not an option. So I am absolutely not looking a gift horse in the mouth, foot, a-hole- ANYWHERE. I know how good I have it. However, that does not change the need for me to want space that is my own where I can feel the sense of stability and connection to a location I know will be mine for awhile to come. What I find hilarious is that the longest I’ve ever lived in one place has been this last year and a half living at home- no time else in my life has this happened before. I’ve been moving every year since I turned 18, and now, coming up to 32, I’m seriously ready to settle down in a place that is my very own. My crap, my design, my signature stamped.
And then the beacon of light shown upon my anointed head, and for a moment, it seemed that the tides had changed and my dream would come true. My boyfriend’s parents own a home that was built by RB’s dad and grandfather, and is right out a 1950’s T.V. show. It’s in an amazing area, has a front and back year complete with fruit bearing trees and an oak tree that is older than my last 3 generations of family. Complete with patio for watching the rain or staying cool from the sun, three ginormous bedrooms, atrocious closet space, two bathrooms, fireplace, and floor to ceiling windows to the back yard, this is my dream home for my new family (no, I’m not pregnant or engaged, chill). I have loved this house since I first saw it 2 years ago, and made no hesitation to declare my love for it to both my man, and his people.
Then, it was declared, we could move into it in one year from now, take over the mortgage payments, and luckily begin the process of owning a home without the worries of a huge bank repayment, or trying to afford buying a house that is valued for $1.1 Million bones. Nope, don’t have that chump change in my back pocket. R and his parents thoroughly discussed the process, the payments, the changing of the title, all the logistics that made me feel that this was really going to happen and that need for stabile development was unfolding.
And then they rented the house for two years to a new family. Oh, and offered their babysitting services for their two small children. HUH?!?!
Shouldn’t they be sticking to their plan and allowing us to move in next year and raise THEIR grandchildren there???Wouldn’t that make sense for them to keep this property in the family, help out their only child, and enable him to live within 10 miles from them to start his life as a family man? Fuck. Makes 0-sense to me, but what makes even less sense to me is that I fell- hook, line, and sinker into the troughs of imagination, already laying out the color and theme of each room, the remodeling that would HAVE to take place in the kitchen and bathrooms, where the dogs (plural, because now we could have 2) would sleep, which way the desk in the office would face (to the garden or the floor to ceiling world map that would reside on the wall). Too much, too far.
I don’t expect any person to give me a handout. God knows, I believe everyone should work for what they get, and if they happen to get more because of friends or family, than good on them. But don’t ever, ever expect things to come your way because you are entitled to them. Right there is the flashing, blinking, fluorescent sign screaming, “TROUBLE!!!”. I know many a friend or family member that has been B.L.E.S.S.E.D. with handouts that have changed their entire lives, from the ability to buy a home, a car, send their kids to college or private school, take vacations, etc. But I don’t have that luxury. I have a mother who takes DAMN good care of me as that what she has to offer. I have a job that will hopefully one day pay me a salary that I can actually live on, and I have my little family that suffers along me struggling for security and stability.
So, actually, I’m very lucky. I’m going to be ok. I AM OK NOW. I would maybe just suggest that I take care of my dreams a little more carefully and not place them so frivolously in another’s hands just in case they CRUSH THEM LIKE A NUT! Can’t blame someone else for delaying my wishes, time is a son of a bitch by does pass by eventually. And with that passing will bring all things, good and bad.