Men are Aliens!

I can’t quite figure it out.

So let me break it down for you as I see it. As children, we’re raised playing and socializing with our same sex constantly. Sleep-overs, birthday parties, sports teams, social clubs (damn those Girl Scout Cookies!)- the list goes on and on. We do these activities for the first, say 12-14 years of our lives, and then suddenly: HELLO “OPPOSITE” SEX. After developing our minds and social patterns to the ways and idiosyncrasies of one gender, at puberty we’re immediately thrown into the ring with the “opposite” sex and told, “DANCE BITCHES, DANCE!”

For example, caring about appearances; women taking extensive amounts of time to get ready and men just throwing on…something…and then getting irritated at their ladies for their time consuming efforts. But when we’re girls, we play dress up…FOR HOURS, doing our makeup, hair, crowns, gowns- the works. Then we attract a fella, who likes the way we look and once we’re a couple, suddenly the same POA for getting hot is insane and a waste of time, “Babe, you’re beautiful the way you are…Let’s go, huh?”

And then there are camping trips. Boys go to every camp under the sun and learn how to make fires, kill bears, swim forever, and survive with a toothpick and a rubber band. Then they grow up, meet their mate, go on a camping trip to the same location that they so fondly remember as little boys, and they can’t understand why the trip isn’t as productive as the trips made there before. Why can’t we sit in mud, stalking a deer for dinner, and then shower in a freezing cold lake and this not seem like we’re enjoying ourselves? Not saying that chicks can’t get down with the grub…but what girl scout or blue bird camp does anything besides make lanyards and weave baskets? Stupid girl camps. Crying at sappy movies, season long sport seasons (CURSE YOU FANTASY BASEBALL!), doing chores, cooing over babies, HoneyDo projects…Jesus, I’m tired just thinking about all of these things already.

But we do get on. We make the efforts necessary to stay as a couple, as a team, even though there are times where you find yourself muttering to yourself, “Men really are from Mars! Freaking Alien!” I love men. I love my man. I love all of his manliness and the things that make us different, like how he builds anything I need want, or don’t need or want. His ability to want to fix everything, even if I like it broken, whether that be me or the printer. However, there are moments when we separate so quickly on an issue that I can only chuckle to myself that I really know almost nothing that goes on inside his head. So are the joys of having friends that are our same “sex” so we can get what we need, even if we can’t get what we want.

*Now, on a side note, I do understand that there are discrepancies to this theorem, referring to same-sex love affairs, but from the situations I’ve witnessed with homosexual relationships, they’re not in any better shape than those crazy straight folks!*


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