I concern myself.

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It concerns me.

Why is it that when some (and I’ll stick to gender classification here) women come into the gym, they look perfect: hair carefully quaffed, make up flawless, coloring- tan and dewey. After their workout, they leave the gym looking as manicured and slick as when they came in. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE???? I mean, seriously, how on earth is this even remotedly, humanly possible? We’re all only there an hour, and I SEE THEM working out…how can they look so good when they’re done?

I might come into the gym looking ok, but when I leave I look like a pile of dog shit, wrapped it sweaty tissue, red as a tomato, and freakishly makeup less.

Today for example, I came in with two other women. As I have a race on Wednesday, I hit the tread mill and ran for three miles, on and off sprits. One of the women went on the machine next to me for 15 minutes at moderate pace, and the other hit an elliptical machine. They each worked out a bit on the cardio machines and then did a series of machine weights, all for about 40 minutes.

When leaving, I swear that these women had no only showered, but washed and blow dried their hair, reapplied all their makeup and somehow sat in an ice room to cool down their facial coloring so that it looked like they never worked out at all.

I, on the other hand, took a shower, got dressed and left in the allotted time, but I did not look pretty or good.

My hair was sweaty, and still wet from the shower; not attractive up or down (I do NOT have the time to blow dry, curse you gorgeous Kardashian hair!!). Beet red in the face, neck and arms; where no matter HOW FREEZING my shower is, I can’t cool down my epidermis so that I look human and not like a body snatcher. My makeup is now all down the drain, and my clothes are slightly pulled and wrinkled against my suddenly expanded body frame.

Translation: I look like crap.

And I wonder…if I just came to the gym the same time as the pretty ladies, followed them in their EXACT routine, inside the gym and locker room, would I also leave the gym looking stunning or would I look like the same as usual, only now listed as a stalker by the females I choose to mimic? I don’t know the answer.

I do know that I’m hot, discolored, uncomfortable, thirsty, ragged, and wet.

Next Top Model, look out! (I’m discouraged)

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