Today is probably the ONE day (maybe minus Christmas, although Jews can play that day off) when no one wants to be around a grumpy person.
Hey, I get it. If I were all ooey-gooey today, I wouldn’t want to be around me either. But I’m kind of stuck with myself, so either I dig in an really be miserable today, or I fake it to make it so that everyone else can feel happy and starry-eyed.
The question is, can I even make the attempt to fake it?
No, not today.
It feels like my blah mood from yesterday has turned into the great white grrrrr wave of today, and people LOOK OUT, it’s going to kill ya.
I just feel so damned UNINSPIRED. I mean seriously, how can one get up every single day, go through the motions of pretending to work hard, care about nothing, and look busy, only to go home to no projects (I know, I know the wedding, but COME ON, isn’t there more to do than plan a wedding??!?!) or exciting things to keep me motivated and pushing forward.
Roy is focused and busy with his classes and teaching, so he’s taken care of. My Mom is busier than all of us put together, and then there’s me. Nothing, nobody, boring CL.
And then, I cut my hair. DON’T FREAK OUT. It’s still long, but totally thinned out and very punk…kind of crazy without care, which is how I feel right now. But I do always get that tinkle of worry when I make do with anything drastic when it comes to my hair. And then I get IRRITATED for feeling upset that I can’t ever change my hair style without giving me cause to freak out. People cut their hair all the time, everyday, WHY IS IT SUCH A BIG DEAL WHEN I DO IT????
So now it’s Valentine’s day, everyone in my office is happy and upbeat, I’m going to try and just work hard, keep my head low (although it is much harder with my crazy ass hair), and just don’t ruin everyone else’s happy-go-lucky freaking attitudes.
(oh god, I don’t even want to be around myself…shit…)