Oh God, I Said It Now…

Dare I Say It? Ok, let’s be brave…

…I’m happy.

Yup, yup. I dared to utter and mutter the two words I don’t say often (enough) or with feeling. But as I’ve been thinking about this post, starting to write different thoughts out and see where they go, I’m finding my sarcastic, pessimistic approached dwarfed by another sensation entirely.

To be honest, it’s kind of gross to be this happy.

And in the last two weeks SO MUCH has happened. As I sit here trying to think how to easily summarize all of it for you, I just keep smiling because life is good and I’m a happy camper. Ew.

I think it has a lot to do with Camp Counselor Baker, to give him credit. But with all the stuff, and then more stuff, and then an extra topping of stuff to do for the wedding, I’m finding myself getting super excited to be Ms. Giovanniello in the sense of a Mrs. Baker and to call senior Baker, hubby o’ mine.

Since I’ve been so nervous about all this “for life” crap, I’m trying to remind myself to enjoy the glow, because FOR SURE it will pass back into a low point (there’s the CL I remember!!) and I’ll remember how happy I was at this moment.

I think the first gynormous smile came with the collection of our wedding rings. My wedding ring looks like the engagement ring since R and I did this whole thing backwards. I wear the small band now and when I do the “official-sign-over-my-life” thing, get the rock.

But to see it come out of the box at the jewelers (SHOUT OUT: Bennett Valley Jewelers, which is a beyond excellent shop- 5 Stars!!), I immediately burst into tears totally overcome with the significance of the bands and how happy I was to know what it means. So of course, my Mom promptly starting crying too- this IS a family affair. The lovely sales ladies took pictures of Mom and I and we both look freaking OVER the moon. So silly and so lovely, all at the same time.

Then my sister flew in from Texas, my best friend from LA and everyone up here rallied to throw me the MOST KICK ASS bridal shower/”man-candy-parade” ever. Since none of us really knew what it meant to have a traditional shower, we made it up as we saw fit. We had sausage, road kill casserole, the recipe all the way from Texas (*two bags of salted kettle chips in a casserole dish, covered with diced jalapenos, brisket, avocado, and covered with Velveeta cheese, baked in the oven for 20-30 minutes- gross AND awesome!), macaroons, and salami with cheese. The drinks were ONLY Bellinis served in all styles of glasses and poured short so that our TOPLESS WAITER could refill them often.

Ahhhh yes, my treat to the ladies, who ranged in age from 25 to 81, all got the joy of Mr. Ladell Pope who so graciously served my fiesta wearing only slacks and a smile. To be fair, he also had a pink and blue tie on, for the festive vibe, of course. But that’s it. And he was so handsome and charming. He filled drinks, took jackets, passed out supplies for games and even turned 3 times each contestant for PIN THE PENIS ON THE MAN! Forget pin the tail on the donkey- that’s for kids! We found a raunchy version which included a 4 foot tall poster of a Ken doll looking man (translation: no junk), wearing only socks, with his foot propped on a chair. This was accompanied by 20 or so different penis styles, shapes, colors, and muff design. Hideous, seriously.

EVEN MY MOTHER-IN-LAW PLAYED! It was fucking rad. She is f-ing rad!

But truly, to get a chance to spend such a fun time with such a rad group of special ladies, that was the best part of the party for me. And merely seeing all the lovely people that turned up, I felt really (…wait for it…) HAPPY.

But there’s more…the next day I went wedding dress shopping with my crew and had one of those moments that I think most girls should have if they can – a shopping day complete with dressing attendants and every kind of gorgeous to hideous dress one can EVER hope to try on. I went through about 15 dresses and then came out in the last one selected by Lis, which I told the two dress attendants, that my family would HATE.

I stepped up onto the platform, the lights came on, and EVER-Y-ONE started bawling.

Bawllllllinggggg.

My sister was so emotional she couldn’t even get her shit together to speak. It was hilarious, sweet, and overwhelming. All of it. I looked at myself in the mirror, and to be honest, didn’t “quite” see what the big deal was, but knew that they all did, and for that felt happy….again.

Now the fanfare has died down for a time and I’m grateful for a respite as this wedding planning is a challenge emotionally and time wise, but it’s also draining. Sometimes even being happy all of the time can make you exhausted. Go figure.

After I came home from work on Tuesday, I lied down to take a 30 minute nap at 6:30PM and woke at 6:30AM the next day. Then I knew that even my happiness had taken its toll.

So here we are: the sun is shining out my cubicle window, I have a lunch date with my man, rehearsal tonight, tomorrow is FRIDAYYYYYY and I’m already starting to get excited about my 3 year anniversary next week.

See people, even a curmudgeon can get a dose of joy (JOY!!) and maybe through this post can spread a little to everyone else. Xxxx

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