Can’t I Just Have Someone Else’s Children?

Just try to stay with me here, there is a method to this mad thought process.

You see, I have a very strong belief that when I finally pop a few kids from my body (or just one kid depending on how good or bad that labor goes for me), I’ll be so super in love and happy with them, because we made them and they’re “ours”. *le sigh* I mean who doesn’t want to watch their progeny grow and develop into mini versions of ourselves, yet with more courage and flair than we could ever know? I mean, aren’t ALL people who have kids tremendous human beings who are totally ready to raise a new human being into this world??? Honey Boo-Boo, anyone?

And yet, after hanging with other people’s kids, I’m thinking I’d rather just have theirs and not bother with my own.

Why????? What a horrible thing to say!!! What’s WRONG with ME?!?!?

But you see, I’m thinking I won’t raise my kids to be as awesome as I see them in my mind and then I’ll constantly be wondering if I could have done this and that differently to make the world’s most perfect small person. And from there I’ll begin to question my own self and the decisions I make because I can also only assume that children watch and mimic their parents and that might not be such a good thing.

Not that I think anything is wrong with Roy or me. In fact, I’m pretty sure our kids will be rad sauce. But maybe not AS rad as the kids my friends are raising now.

I mean, I look at FB and Instagram, and I’m seeing how special and unique all of these little people are, and how well their respective parents are doing at motivating and encouraging their greatness. Sports teams, musical instruments, readers, painters, dancers, spelling-bee champions, smile-ers AND droolers (tough one to teach!), little lovers, comedians, sweethearts, sassy pantsers – THEY’RE ALL AMAZING!! HOW CAN MY KIDS COMPETE WITH ALL OF THIS EXCELLENCE AROUND THEM?????!!!!!

I know you’re all sitting at your computers, TOTALLY judging me and my ridiculous claims of having lame kids, but people, I’ve hung out with your children!!! They’re freaking rad!!! They’re so unique, adorable, and inspiring; I’m sure that I would drop mine on the floor too many times to count them as cute, and let them watch TLC shows like Honey Boo Boo until they too acted like a backwoodsian lunatics.

But as I watch Roy interact with kids from other families, and how well he takes to teaching and inspiring them, as every good Eagle Scout can do, I feel like we might have a fighting chance with our stubborn and sturdy progency. But then again, he deals with me daily so OF COURSE he can be good with a more sweet and inquisitive version of myself.

But me….oh boy. I’m just not so sure….

So I’ll just take your Avas, and Willy Js as my own.

Make your Brents and Skylars my little personal pork chops.

Borrow your Josies and Aynalems for Mother-Child picnics.

Take your little people and hang out with them so that I can quench my thirst for miniature clothing, big smiles, unbalanced first steps, and eyes of awe and wonder.

Is that ok?….or have I just lost all of my friends with kids?…

Well, whatever it means, we adopted a kitten yesterday, Atticus, and being that we keep him in alone in the guest bathroom with towels and a place to poo, let’s see if he survives. If he does, then we determine whether we can raise quality children by locking them in a small room as babies.



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