I’m not actually sure how many days it has been since my GORGEOUS and FABULOUS wedding, (never mind, I just checked – it’s been 47, www.caralynlovesroy.com is still active!) however, I have to imagine that like any large event, change, inauguration, those first 100 days are super critical to the success of the whole package. (I feel this post has been inspired by Season 1 of the “West Wing”, good God I love Aaron Sorkin!!)
But life has been challenging in the last 47 days- very, very tense. I have to truly believe that if Roy and I can build a kitchen, a bathroom, plan a wedding and still have tons of “issues” in our professional lives, we may make it through forever.
Or, the stress will kill us and then we’ll kill each other.
Either way, this too shall pass.
Since the wedding, we have been having daily, nightly, and in-betweenly talks about staying positive and hopeful even when times are tough financially and mentally. Being poor, to put it bluntly, scrapping for every event, grocery shop, sushi dinner, actually having a negative balance on MORE than one credit card is fucking scary and nerve wracking. I know that we can sit and complain about this that and the other, but even in the situation we’re in now, we’re doing better than most.
Now THAT is scary.
But it’s put a strain on our new marriage that has definitely had its ugly effects and I can only say that trying to see the bright side, looking out for the silver lining, keeping the chin up and the neck wound in are full time jobs all on their own, let only working a full time job or working to find a full time job. We have been substituting bitterness and frustration with things we know bring us joy, mainly, our friends. We’ve been truly blessed to be surrounded by a group of wicked families that share their happiness and exuberance for life with us, and momentarily, we are swooped away to a place where we can eat meat, drink wine (or tequila), and not have to worry that that’s going us to cost us…big time.
I’m constantly overwhelmed with the tug and push that two people struggling can have on a relationship. Honestly, I want to get over my own stupid crap so that I can be there to FULLY and UNCONDTITIONALLY support Roy in his needs. I hate seeing him hurt, or see him think negatively about himself. NONE OF IT IS TRUE, and yet, how can I help him to see that if I’m in a funk on my own? And vise versa. When I’m struggling, I know how hard Roy works to simplify and brighten up my day, when all he might want to do is crawl under the bed with Atticus.
But we’re married. We’re a unit. We’re a badass, fighting machine that has to work in tandem to overthrow the forces of evil (traffic, debt, disrespect) and come out on the other side as victors. So, that’s what we’re at least attempting to do. Remind each other and ourselves why we fight everyday for a better life. Why we search, hunt, and track down joy like a freaking predator, and why we must love and honor those that bring us happiness and joy.
Money will come and go. Jobs will come and go. Savings accounts will rise and fall. Fights will brew and die down.
But Roy and I, we’re the forever.
And so in forever, we adapt to our struggles, we’ll hang with our homies, and we’ll stay home to eat in with our pets.
See?? Life really isn’t so bad, after all.