So I See, I Guess I Am Thankful for a Few Things….

Sometimes I absolutely ADORE Facebook and all the crap that it brings into my life, major emphasis on the CRAP. But there also specific times of the year where a trend pops up on the social networking site that makes me want to commit seppuku and assassinate every single person who feels the need to post daily updates about their whatevers.

As you can imagine, this month it’s about for what we feel thankful.

AND PLEASE DON’T ME GET WRONG HERE, I don’t hate that people are grateful for their families, thankful to have jobs, appreciate their animals (fuckers…sorry…still sensitive), or adore their amazing children. I LOVE LOVE, truly and deeply. I love that people are happy and can see all the things they are blessed with in their lives.

BUT I JUST DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT FROM 500+ CONTACTS ON A DAILY BASIS!!! ARGGGGGGG!!!

Butttttttttt…it has inspired me to do a little giving of thanks myself, JUST THIS ONE TIME on this amazing blog I call my own. HAHAHA, THE POWER I HAVE!!

Ok, back to the topic at hand. Here are some things that I’m grateful for and want to share.

1) Roy. I have to laugh at myself because he is definitely my number one, and I actually didn’t think I would ever get to place where that would be such an obvious statement. I fought SO HARD the idea of marriage, of being happily married, of how that could be possible when all I wanted was to roam the world and live in filth. (Ok, slight exaggeration, but not by much). And up until the ACTUAL wedding day, I was still trying to fight the system, find a way out, create a diversion, escape. That was the fear talking, but we beat it to become husband and wife.

And then Rusty died.

Shockingly sudden, everything became dark and awful, my heart broke into a million pieces, and I was sure I would never stop crying over my loss.

Our loss.

But Roy stood SO FIRMLY as my rock, my support, my love, my guidance, the one with whom I could melt into my sadness and would 100% know my pain. When I suffer loss or tragedy, I tend to go to humor when I can, which is never quite appropriate, but somehow helps. And I somewhat believe that Rusty took it upon himself to commit his own hari-kari to solidify our relationship, and if that was his goal, he did a good job.

Roy is an amazing human being, caring, loving, sweet, considerate, manly, husbandly, brotherly, sonly (???), fatherly. And I see my life shared with him in happiness and sadness, joy and pain, ups and downs, exactly as it should be. And for him I am so, so, so thankful.

2) Rusty and Atticus. First time pet owner, best damned animals any person could ask for. I know you all truly understand my love and adoration for my beloved Rusty Bear. He 100% changed my life, made me a better person, and opened my heart to a love that I never knew previously. As my shadow, he gave me confidence and a sense of a wingmanness that was righteous and true. As my buddy, he reminded me of true friendship, kindness, and generosity. As my “baby”, he let me love, love, love, love, love until I had to reset the clock and relove him all over again. Rusty showed me what a great Daddy Roy will be and and gave us a sense of closeness that is integral to any family. My heart hurts SO terribly knowing he is not going to be waiting for me when I come home and greet me with his beautiful face and gentle demeanor, but I wouldn’t change one second of time I had with him or forsake the gifts he shared with me. I am grateful for Rusty and will be everyday of my life.

And in becoming Rusty’s parent, we adopted Atticus to be his hommie and our little fatso. I honestly cannot even imagine how we would be fairing right now without him. Just when I think my heart is forever cracked, Atti will curl up in my lap and sit with me for hours, just letting me study his cuteness and feel that sense of love and protective nature that a Momma has. He is curious and fun, loves to play and lounge in front of the fire. He is open to new people, but knows who his Momma and Daddy are. He is part of the glue that now holds our family together and although he is a cat, which is not a dog, he is perfect and I am thankful for his awesomeness.

3) My Family. I know that this year has been one of the more dramatic for our tribe, and there were moments when I was sure that our foundations had been permanently cracked and we would never again be the same family I so loved and relied upon.

But we are family and family is for life. Murder yes, divorce never.

And being able to share such a close relationship with my absolutely AMAZING Mother, who is beyond an inspiration and such a special human being will be one the greatest gifts in my life. My sisters are TREMAZE BALLS, and remind me that we as a unit will get through the lowest of the shits and the best of everything else as a threesome. Even my extended family is unique and reminds me often that with all of our faults, we have good people with good hearts looking out for us. I am so blessed to have SUCH a family who is filled with MUCHNESS.

4) My Bubble. Sometimes I get SO down on myself that I’m lonely or alone, just drifting off through a sea of turmoil and confusion.(we are talking about me here, and I do LOVE the dramatic!) But then I get a phone call, or text message, have a skype chat, get an email, mail in the post, or a facebook (!) message with the words from a person who is SO DEAR TO ME, my heart literally breaks with the joy and knowledge that this person is MY FRIEND and I can celebrate in our relationship.

The wedding was a phenomenal indicator of just how much SHIT my friends can take from me, while still providing all the love and support one needs when they are struggling. I cry, they are there. I laugh, they laugh with me. I spill an entire glass of red wine on their white carpet, and they throw down salt and paper towels and forget about it. Although I would wish more than anything to be closer to those that I can’t live without, I am so thankful that we are living in a world where I can be with them in seconds via phone or computer. To share in their joys and loss, new jobs and babies, passing of loved one – it’s all part of the pact. And to be reminded that I have a separate family that has developed from delicate care and attention is a crazy, happy blessing. Keeping friendships alive are WORK, but the most rewarding kind, and for all of you who know how deeply I love you and need you, I am beyond, BEYOND grateful to have you in my life.

5) Health. In this past couple of years, I have taken to going to the gym mostly just to pass time during my most “awesome” day. But I soon found the affects of this activity gave me the a belief that my body can do anything it wants to even at my age, and all I have to do is put in the effort. Pffft! I’m reminded of my strength in my adolescence and look forward to being a powerful Mother, Wife, and adult. My family is healthy, I am healthy, and for this I am thankful. Keep up the good work!

6) La Musica. I love music. I love to sing, I love to dance, and I love how happy it makes me to rock the SPORK out when nothing else seems to do the trick. Classical, rock, funk, pop, blues – BRING IT ALL. Music enriches my life as a cellist, and allows me to share a part of my soul only possible through this specific form of expression. So Dance, people. Sing your hearts out. Feel the rhythm of a phat beat, and don’t give a shit who sees. I for one, would not be who I am without tunes and am thankful to have soul.

7) (and last one…I think) The Planet. This World. Even as I sit in my tiny cubicle overlooking the same view of SF that I’ve observed for some time now, I can’t help but to day dream about all the other amazing locations I’ll see in my lifetime. In fact, how many I’ve ALREADY seen. And knowing that there is so much left of this planet to visit, touch, taste and experience, I’m given hope that I can do something extraordinary with my life, if it means that I can touch and be touched by cultures and lifestyles so truly different and yet similar to my own. People are people, no matter what circumstances you find them.

I’ve traveled with Daisy to so many places, but where one the first memories I recall from our trips is of the young Bedouin boys who took us around on their donkeys as we toured Petra in Jordan. Or sitting on the shores of Ganges, watching women bathe themselves at sunset, the glow of the setting sun reflecting off their bright saris, and huge smiles. Honestly, I have SO MANY memories of amazing, life changing sites and people I’ve traveled with, and locals with whom I’ve given my heart – it’s overwhelming. The world is amazing and is filled with wonders that go beyond anything my imagination can summon. I am and hope to always be inspired and dictated by the wealth that this planet has to offer, and give thanks to loving outwardly an entire global community.

Well, I think that may be enough. I know I’m already tired of listening to myself (doesn’t one listen as they write like a narrator telling the story? I hear my voice, I listen to my cadence, I know my emphasis….so like I said, aren’t we tired of hearing me already???). I hope that this Thanksgiving brings everyone a moment to be reminded of all the good, the better, and the best in their lives.

Even if it’s just for a moment, remind yourself that life is good. I promise I will, too.

With love. Xxxxxx

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