I can’t make it make sense


Man, I am one sensitive sucker. I cry about WAY too many things, from sappy commercials, to mean drivers, to bitchy coworkers, to missing a workout, to re-watching Jurrasic Park when they first see the dinosaurs.

But lately, I’ve been feeling like the world is putting a little too much reality on my proverbial plate of weep and I can’t keep up with all the things that make me bawl.

For example, last week Margaret Thatcher passed, and while reading her biography at work, I started feeling this overwhelming sensation that a person I had met and had a relationship with in some level had died. Of course, I cried. I was weeping about the passing of a STRONG, HARD WOMAN who made changes and altered the course of history with herself as the beacon of transition and movement. I get that she wasn’t liked, and will be a debatable figure in history forever, but my sadness came from a public figure whom I grew up (English) recognizing had moved on from this world, and who would fill her place??? Where are all the boobsy women out in the world???

And now yesterday, the bombing of the Boston marathon, and I’m left in shock and crying.

Maybe this is all a carryover from that fateful morning which transpired a decade or so ago, but these acts of madness and cruelty are beyond my little brain’s ability to understand. If you hate paying taxes, loathe politics, want to overturn the US on its face – yes, I can see why people would FEEL that way.

BUT TO ACT ON IT IN THIS MANNER???? What fucking cowards.

The thing I can’t shake from this are the victims. Runners. Spectators. Innocent people in harm’s way. What was achieved in maiming athletes as they attempted to cross a finish line? How was your statement of ___________ expressed because you murdered a child watching the race from the sidewalk?

And when incidents happen in this dramatic fashion, with joy and happiness literally blown away, what are we supposed to feel? How am I supposed to act?

I have one friend in Boston. One BEST friend. And even though I am almost 100%certain he wouldn’t be anywhere NEAR a marathon finish line, who knows what events could have transpired yesterday to lead him near that area, or which friend he may have been cheering on who was running their first Boston marathon. And this mystery, this unknown, this fear, this sadness is what the “terrorists” or whatever label we give them now, were hoping for.

Of course the people or thing that enraged the attackers was not actually attacked directly. That is too easy, too obvious. The way to fight a war is to kill the surrounding participants, and leave the foes to stay and try and maneuver this mind field to continue the insanity. In every action, thriller movie we see, you never kill your enemy – where’s the fun in that? You make everyone else suffer.

And so now, a day that should have been celebrated by friends, family, and running enthusiasts has left a feeling of fear in the mouths of all people. The taste of heartache and confusion on their tongues. There is no answer, there is no resolution to an action such as this. And it hurts.

From way out in California, I hurt. And my sympathy and sadness goes out to all people involved, whether directly or indirectly. And my tears mark yet another moment in my day/life where something is beyond me and my comprehension and I can do nothing but shed tears.


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