Hi all. I’m sure you’ve come to this blog so that you can hear a woman, with a good paying job, living in a nice home, with all the comforts she could ever wish for right at her finger tips BITCH ABOUT BEING POOR.
But hey, I like to keep it real so that’s exactly what what you’ll see here today.
Honestly, I’m so over being “broke”. So over it. I could roll this whole feeling up into the being-an-adult-is-about-compromise-and-sacrifice argument, and it would actually make sense.
Why is there so much that I’m suddenly responsible for every year that I get older? The baby is an obvious one, I need to save money for her to go to college, pay her day care, get diapers from the compostable delivery service, buy her special food, and maybe a toy or book here and there. I get that I have to pay an insane price for my rent in the Bay Area. I get that my dog and husband need to eat…and drink. Gas is poison and it take hours to get anywhere, so that siphons many of those dollar bills I make dancing nightly.
…kidding on that last point, should you have missed that.
But the rest of it? The not being able to save money? The never making enough from my job? The strain of not being able to travel – which is my ONLY real material love in this life that I cannot and will not live without. Even a quick jaunt down to LA is a couple hundred buck adventure that, at this time, we cannot humor.
That is devastating. And causes me a level of anxiety that I can’t really explain or share with others in the personal way that it affects me.
Trying to figure out how to make it all work so that we can prepare for a future while not suffering too much in the present, is a balancing act I have yet to figure out.
So when I see TV shows on tiny living, I like it.
When I think about a remote job where I could manage on $500 a month in, say, Indonesia, that sounds like a life I’d like living.
Winning the lottery sounds awesome.
Making an invention that the Shark Tank eats right up from my hands – that sounds like a good life. (FYI – I actually have a million dollar idea, and I am looking for an engineer to build it because…you never know…).
Having a job that pays me a salary that is equal to the costs of living in the Bay Area, that sounds legit.
Knowing that my savings account was actually able to hold 6 months of our lives if we lost everything, would be such a relief.
No car payments – rad.
No cars – even MORE rad. (radder? Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that one.)
Seeing Adele in concert, no matter how exorbitant the ticket scalpers charge for tickets, would bring a permanent smile to my face.
And of course, extra dollars for all the trips I have to make to live this life properly, would be welcome and appreciated.
Waa waa waa
In the end, I know that in order to get a least a few of these wishes under my belt means tightening it up, and actually living within my means.
Be stingy. I hate to say it, but I have to ease up on being generous.
Be aware of what is a necessary and what is crap/fun/fruitless/exorbitant/excessive.
Be honest. We can’t go/dine/drink/watch/karaoke this time, maybe the next round.
Budget. budgetbudgetbudgetbudgetbudget. And don’t forget to budget.
And always put things in perspective. I do know how lucky we are, and how wealthy in comparison to so many millions of people. It’s a pill I’m working really, really hard on figuring out how to swallow, and when I figure out how to do it, I’ll share all here.
Until then, don’t be mad when we do all the wonderful free things out in the world. Today I took my kid to the rose garden in Berkeley, for free. And it wasn’t a life changer, but it was nice and we had fun.
I am sending you all mental money trees for your backyard. Make sure to water them. Xxx