Rain Rain, Come By Here
Well, as far as I’m concerned, it is indeed Autumn/Winter. As I sit at my CUBICLE (obviously still not over it), and stare out the window, the skies are dark-dark, rain and hail are flying everywhere, I have my weak fluorescent lights lit up (although doing very little), and I know that a new season is upon us. At this beginning of the shift, I am happy.
I love curling up with a fire and a good book, I love drinking hot ciders, hot chocolates, hot totties, and feeling cozy and safe. I feel the urges to bake pies, cookies, breads. I long for home cooked soups, meatloaf, and casseroles. Red wines, cardigans, and slippers. Winter jackets, Hunter Boots, scarves (although I do wear them year round, to be fair…and cardigans, to think of it…), boots, and cute fuzzy hats. FOOTBALL! American Idol/Game nights.
All sounds amazing, right?
But then I have to recall the other…darker side. Taking Rusty to potty in the pouring rain, having to SUIT up to go outside, and having to dry him off before he tears around the house shaking himself over everything and anything. Going to work in the dark and coming back home in the dark. My hair never straight again- just a touch of damp air and my psychotic curls come raring out of their hiding places to demand justice and first rights to location, location, location. Pale skin, of which looks HORRIBLE on a yellow based Italian. Jaundice is not popular, no matter what anyone tells you.
All sounds icky, remember?
However, this seasonal change also brings to light (to darkness?) that my one year anniversary at my…job, is coming, and it suddenly makes me see how short a year can be, as well as, HOW INCREDIBLY LONG ONE YEAR CAN BE. I want to stress first and foremost, I’m blessed to have this job, I’m learning a great deal, and I’m thrilled to experience such normalcy to feel like I’m one of the average people. (Have a sense of humor already!) But there isn’t a day that goes by that I wonder how one year might have been spent if I worked in international aid overseas, or as a PhD student, or as a mother and homemaker. Would I feel better about everyday, or would I find ways to wish I were doing something else?
I think the worst confirmation I have to that question, is from those that are close to me that either severely question my choice of current lifestyle, or are surprised I would last so long in a place so foreign (no pun intended).
My good friend in England, who just opened a pub with her husband, and are constantly trying to do something different and new with their lives, called yesterday and was so exhausted from her efforts in her own life, that she wanted to hear all about the exciting wonderful things happening with me. What a let down for her that I had NOTHING to share, minus my frustrations about the kitchen remodel. She paused for a minute and then responded that she hopes I go back to being me as soon as I feel like I can.
And just like that, I was lost. Again. I wish there were some guidebook to helping ALL of us know where we should be and what we should be doing with our lives. I know that unfortunately, that has yet to be made into an App that we can download to our smart phones. We have to go barbaric and actually…I don’t know, THINK it over. MEDITATE on our wishes and desires. COMMUNICATE with our people about the things that do matter most.
Whoa….slow down CL, that’s taking things a bit far, don’t you think?
So, for the moment, I’ll take this darkened morning as my first chance to do what I love to do so much in the Winter months…ponder, plan, and execute. Nothing says brain food like meatloaf, baked potato, hot chocolate, fire and rain.